Day 6 and 7: Calm weekend

This weekend I tried to be more mindful and with moderate success. No urgent tasks on the calendar, no necessary socializing, no ‘I should’ or ‘I have to’.
Of course this doesn’t mean that I laid in bed for two days and just stared at the ceiling.
No, I did dishes, took a long hot shower (good for my shoulders and neck), did some cleaning up, prepped to put garbage outside…
I still did things, just not overly stressing about the ticking of the clock.

One of the things that I normally do: looking at the clock and I think: ‘Oh I only have x hours left of the day.’
And I’m suddenly overwhelmed with ALL the things of the ‘to-do’-list that I can’t possibly fit in those x amount of hours.
Which is silly, not everything can and needs to be done in the same day.
I know it calls for a different mindset.
A different way looking at things.
A change of perspective.
(And not just about time.)

With these ponderings I’m closing off for today. I hope you had a wonderful weekend!

-Hug-

Day 5: Foggy…

I have been fiddling with the theme of the blog for over an hour now. Just small changes really, like sidebars and fonts. (I was getting tired of having to change the body text to something big enough and relaxingly readable.)

The point of my messing with the settings of this blog, is that today was such a foggy day. Foggy in the sense that I couldn’t keep focus on anything really. Just cotton balls that are stuck in my head. (It can also be the head cold I have been walking around with for a while now.) Yesterday it had lifted some, maybe with being outside in the sun, but today there was hardly any sun and the temperatures were not so pleasant. Also lots of wind!

A little correction on what I said yesterday about my index finger: it wasn’t the ligaments… It is the tendon that has been stretched too much. The pain is more doable today, I’m still trying not to use the finger too much, also because I don’t have a lot of strength in it. Let’s hope that in a few days it all returns to normal. (And then I can finally put pen to paper again! Or a pencil!)

Besides being foggy, I did do some (boring-but-needs-to-be-done) household stuff. And… that is about it for me today… The fog doesn’t want to clear yet…

There is always tomorrow!

*Hug*

Day 4: Keep showing up

It is beautiful weather outside: the sun is shining and the temperature is not too hot nor too cold. It’s perfect!
I went on a bikeride to my physical therapist (for my neck and shoulders).
The idea was to make a picture, but with my index finger having problems (something with ligaments) and the realization that you use your index finger for a LOT of things, I forgot…
Taping my index finger to another finger should help relief some of the pain… We shall see

Aside from being on the ‘pain-table’, I also managed to pay all the bills. Plus I also did some admin work that was winking at me. Two boxes of my todo-list checked!

For the first time in weeks I’m feeling a tiny bit better, more hopeful. I know I still have a long way to go to recover from my setback. But I do know that showing up to this page, even if I’m not feeling like it, will help me.

The subject I was trying to talk about yesterday was the Big negative me versus the Tiny positive me.
Big negative me was telling me how I was not worthy of anything.
While Tiny positive me had to yell with a small voice: Excuse me! Don’t listen to this giant bully! You are doing the best you can at this moment. You’re going to be ok!

The illustration for those two are shaping up in my mind, but not ready to be put on paper yet. Maybe tomorrow.

I hope you have a pleasant day/evening and I’ll see you tomorrow!

*Hug*

Day 3: Small steps

Today seemed a bit of a better day than the days before. I allowed myself a nap in the afternoon, did some cleaning up, talked to my parents, ate  healthy meals and had a visit from a friend. Besides that, I also made a few phonecalls, which means that I did at least 3 tasks of my ‘to do’-list.

My doctor proposed to do 1 task a day for a couple of days and give my body the rest it needs. Besides that, he also suggested to start writing again…
The writing is slow going. It’s hard to put in words what floats through my mind, or how I am feeling underneath ‘the mud’.
It’s like the flow isn’t quite there yet, and the writing-muscles are a bit cramped up. Which means: practice, practice, practice!

I wrote down a few thoughts and I’m even thinking about a simple illustration, but since it’s past my bedtime, I’ll work on it tomorrow.

Wishing everyone a good night!

See you tomorrow!

Day 2: Moments…

No major breakthrough thoughts today. My mind was focussed on getting household done and that is what I did. There are thoughts rumbling around, but I can’t seem to get a grip on them yet.

Been thinking of maybe using a keyword or phrase or anything really, to focus on for the day.
What did enter my mind: my thoughts and feelings can change at any given moment. And that is ok.

Almost made a disclaimer for this blogbook, stating that very same notion: that whatever I write/type here can change at any given moment. Life is a series of moments. And one moment you will feel and think differently than another. Or maybe it will stay the same for a while. It all depends on where you evolve.

My mind seems foggy, my body tired. Let’s hope that my sleep will not be interrupted every 2-3 hours. (One can only hope lol.)

Signing off with a sprinkle of hope…

See you tomorrow!

Day 1: Blogbook and mud

I wasn’t really sure what to write today. It is supposed to be my beginning. Lots of thoughts raced through my head, but none kept sticking.

The only thing I could agree on for today: I’m going to start with this ‘Blogbook’. (A combination of blogging and daybook.)

It’s been about a month since I have written for myself. And even the last day I just noted down one sentence about being tired. Not really fantastic reading material. But I did show up to the paper page and wrote down the date and how my body felt.

I had an appointment with my doctor today and he agreed to pick up writing again. It’s been since I’ve stopped writing/venting that I started slipping into a mudpool. I’m hoping that with writing my arty side will come peeking again too. At the moment there is no art whatsoever.

So I’m guessing this Blogbook will be a tool for me to get unstuck, wash everything clean, throw away what I don’t need anymore and maybe enjoy a mudmask.

Ok… This was day 1. Short and sweet.

See you tomorrow!