Day 33: Exciting news!!!

As I was telling you yesterday, I was feeling a bit emotional. And of course when you feel like this, things tend to happen: you drop a whole container of small embellishments on the floor and your cat is having a joyous time (while you just want to clean it up and still haven’t found what you were looking for: I had lost my stencils.)

Suddenly I had this ‘feeling’ (not really sure how to describe it) and I had this urgent need to look next to my desk. (I have some boxes piled on top of each other with adhesives, collage material, etc.)
And what do you know… My folder with stencils was at the top, under the table!

People who follow the mixed media world, know that this period is when new art classes can be signed up for, places can be won via giveaways… Very exciting with what courses come out and how they develop over the years!

I have followed Life Book by Tamara Laporte since 2014. And through her I met Effy Wild. Who also does a year long program called Book of Days.
But this coming year, she is coming out with a new version, a collaboration between her and several other artists called: Book of Days: All Stars.

So, of course I had to make sure to leave comments everywhere, and sharing her new course, hoping to win a spot. (And to be honest, winning a seat on a year long course, that hadn’t happen to me before, even though I have tried for years!)

It so happened that someone I knew on Facebook was also giving away a space for free because she is guest teaching on Book of Days: All Stars.
I was the fourth one to share and make a comment. But you know how it is: leaving a comment, kind of hoping you will win, but trying to be realistic and not getting your hopes up too high.
So yesterday evening, while I was fumbling about with the embellishments that were literally everywhere on the floor, Rachel Harries (Blog, Instagram, Facebook-page) posted that she used a random number generator and number 4 was the lucky winner!

At first I wasn’t even sure if 4 really was my number. I had to go check the original message
But OMG! I won a seat on next years Book of Days!!!Wonderful! Amazing! Woohoo!

I can’t wait 'til  next year!!

-Dances around-

I hope you get some exciting news too in the near future!

Love, Mie

Day 31 and 32: Creative center, artstuffs

For 32 days I have been thinking of putting a blogpost up, even if I combined days. 32 days! Amazing!
But this doesn’t mean I’m going to quit!
Making blogposts actually fuels me to make more time for art too. And I’ve also been taking more pictures lately, which are very nice memories of creative stuff, Bo antics, and nature shots if the weather is working with me.
Which it wasn’t yesterday (Wednesday). It kept on raining while I rode to the creative center. And it kept doing that until I got home. So, still no picture of the bike yet… But it will come!

At the creative center it was free choice of what to do. No sketching of people cause the person who facilitates it, went to see an exhibition. (Arriving out of breath, half soaked, I wasn’t really in the mood to get on my bike again…)
But this gave me the perfect chance to start early with Christmas Cards!
After gathering the supplies and some inspiration, I started working on watercolor paper with watercolor paint (I can’t for the life of me remember the brand, but it came out of a travel palette. It was a different palette than Winsor Newton Cotman.)
I mixed my own colors, threw salt on it, let it sit for a bit and then dried it with a hairdryer. (I didn’t know they had one there!)
No pictures, since I would like it to be a bit of a surprise!

What I can post pictures of: I experimented some more with backgrounds:

I’m not too sure about this one. maybe If I had taken different colors? Something about it is bugging me. Maybe I should add a brayered layer on it… It’s an experiment so for now I’m going to leave it as it is.

But this one:

This is a different story. I love this one! It’s simple, has structure (but not too much), not ‘too bright in my face’. With this one I felt free to add some this and some that. A background like this makes me want to work further on it. Put a focal point, some text maybe, some doodles… (for me this is a success!)

I finished the first background I shared, on Thursday, and it was the day that my body demanded rest of me. I was apparently also a bit emotional, but have no clue what that was about. There was this sadness that filled my eyes with tears, but none came out.
With the weather changing (temperature dropping, less daylight) I do feel a bit more sensitive… Part of the season?

I’m going to leave you here for now… But I’ll be back!

See you tomorrow!

Day 29 and 30: Sporty and some art

Mondays aren’t usually my favorite days. But I have to say that it was actually quite a good day.

I was awake before my alarm went off! (That is usually a good sign lol.)
The exercise center was on the schedule, and I could finally test out my new-to-me bike. (Which I still need to take a picture of… I keep forgetting!)
The exercise schedule has been adjust a bit, since my knees aren’t doing too well, so I asked to switch biking with walking. So instead of 7 mins biking and 5 mins walking, I now have 10 mins walking (at a higher speed) and 7 mins walking (also at a higher speed.) This way my legs still get the movement (next to the other strengthening exercises.)

Home, I ‘flew’ into the dishes (with headphones on), started laundry, did some cleaning up…

All of the above make it a good day: able to do my appointment + also being able to do some household. (This way I have the feeling that I’m being productive.)

During the evening I finally made some time to work on Bootcamp (a course by Effy Wild).
I had watched several videos already, but hadn’t done the physical part yet.

Bo is supervising (and checking to see what he can steal!):

(Background of watercolour with salt on it)

And then another:

(This is a gouache background with salt on it.)

With the second one I was less rigid and dared to experiment with waterdrops and mixing colors. It is just very happy-making!! Although the mixture of blue and green and yellow aren’t really my favorite colors: this background is my favorite of the two.

Tuesday (today)… Not a lot to say about it: except that my body needed more rest after the sporting labors! (And Bo has done his usual antics of course! The cute fluff-ball!)

Not sure if there will be some art play, but I still have some time before my bed starts whispering my name!

See you tomorrow!

Day 28: Sunday, Sunday

7.42 pm and my body is longing for bed. And I remembered there is still a blogpost calling my name!

Household stuff has been done, shower taken, cat played with, bike has lights! (and I have an extra wheel + saddle laying around now.)

Being tired has eaten up my words, so I’m going to share some pictures instead…

Isn’t he adorable?? It’s the first time I’ve been able to take a picture when he does this. Just melts my heart!

And then some stretching:

Checking up on me:

He makes me giggle several times a day, with his adventurous spirit and shenanigans.

Sleep well everyone!

I’ll see you tomorrow!

Day 26 and 27: bike-issues and some art

I was up quite early (for me) on Friday morning, and I had an appointment with my physical therapist. So as usual, I make myself ready, put on my coat, grab my bag, go out the door, lock it and go downstairs. All is good.
I grab my bike, lead it outside, close the door and I am ready to leave. All is good.
I sit on my bike, waiting on the green light, have a nice tune on my headphones, and when the light turns green, I start off.
And then… Suddenly… This fell on the ground:

I mean it just cracked off… Can you believe it??

Visited a bike shop, asked if they could fix it… and the answer was no. (Old system, not made anymore…)

So then I went on an researched second hand stores where they sold bikes. (That had me busy for about an hour or two.)

Armed with my list, a friend of mine picked me up, and we went on our way.

The above picture was taken right after we left the first shop. (There were bikes, but not in my price range.)

At the second shop, I only found 1 bike interesting. I tested it out, looked at it from top to bottom. (New tires, no rust, new brakes…) And the price was ok too!
So I have a new-to-me bike!!

When I finally got home, it was a bit before 9 pm and I was exhausted. I kept feeling like this through Saturday, so some extra rest was in order.

I did do some painting though! I started with the background of the journal I worked on the previous weekend.

(And I also started gesso-ing the inside pages. Proof is on the cover already!)

I’m really glad that I’m starting to do creative things again. Even if it is just gesso-ing pages, and doing the cover of a book. The rest will follow…

See you later!

Day 24 and 25: sick days

As the title says: I wasn’t feeling too well on Wednesday and Thursday. Stomach issues, bowel issues, all the issues…

So I took some extra rest, only ate in small bites and as dry as possible!

I caught up on some Supernatural and Walking Dead episodes. (Apparently I was way behind!)

Also started gesso-ing pages in my new art-journal. I’ve been thinking about the cover, how I am going to decorate it. There are several ideas, but so far none have stuck to actually do it. Everything is still possible!

Had my first warm meal on Thursday evening, and my stomach agreed with it! Woohoo!

Let’s hope I’m on the mend!!

See you tomorrow!

Day 23: Fast Tuesday…

Still not feeling all too well today, there were several moments where I had to run for my life (to the toilet). Sleep was also eluding me a bit. I woke up every 2 hours…

After lots of drying time, the project I’ve been working on since Sunday is ready to be loved further. Probably with some sort of paint, maybe splatters, stamps… We’ll see!

Since my week is a bit busy, I wouldn’t be able to deliver my books to the library on time, so I decided to do that today.
At first I thought to just deliver them and leave, but then I actually looked at the rows and rows of books available, and I thought it was just a shame not to make use of all the knowledge that was available.
So I left with 2 small books about sketching (animals and humans) one book about a holistic approach to signals of the body and one about core talents (can be used for the right choice of study, work and life).
I’m thrilled that I actually want to read those books. The feeling of a book in your hands is just a tad different than holding a tablet. (But I do use my tablet to read fiction books).
(Below a picture from when I was sitting on a bench, waiting on the bus, enjoying the sun.)

What I also did today (besides admin and household) is take a good look at my beautiful, adventurous cat. Took some pictures, even made a little video of how he shows me to relax and just be in the moment.

Below is a picture that says to me: Connection. It isn’t often that my cat allows me to touch his paws. He seemed very zen-like with it. So this was very special, and I managed to take a picture!

It’s almost 7 pm here and it seems like the day just flew by. I’m still listening to Life Book Summit interviews too. It’s a wonderful way to get to know those artists! (Psst, the Life Book 2019 class has just opened today! I can’t wait to sign up!)

See you tomorrow peoples!

Day 22: A good good day…

Me and mornings don’t really get along, but today we had to. I had an appointment with the psychologist of the exercise center at 11. Which may seem late in the morning, unless you need at least one hour and a half to just make yourself seem human.

We talked about eating habits, exercise, a new schedule for exercising at the center so I don’t burn out as easily. There were also some suggestions of workshops about anxiety, stress and depression, which I will certainly look into. (Still on the waiting list to get a psychologist for trauma-therapy, so maybe those workshops can offer me some refreshing eyes on tools to use.)

Afterwards, I visited the exercise center. Headphones on, music in my ears, and I stepped on the scales…

-Cue dramatic music-

Even though I haven’t exercised a lot the past two months (except for riding my bike to all the things)
I still lost weight!
Woohoo!
(Yes it would probably have been more if I was able to do exercises, but it is also good to know that the way I have changed eating, also has an impact.)

I was listening to this: (ACDC-Thunderstruck)

An hour after I got home and did some houshold, I was totally exhausted and took proper care of myself: I gifted myself with a nap. A glorious nap. A most wonderful nap!

(And then I proceeded with making blogposts, since I hadn’t done them in the weekend…)

See you tomorrow!!

Day 20 and 21: Fast weekend…

This weekend I was slain by some sort of bug or virus, or whatever you want to call it.

Saturday, well there is nothing to write about that day: I took extra rest, managed to eat some little bites here and there and that was it.

Sunday was voting time here in Belgium!
I had gone to sleep very early on Saturday, and that made it possible for me to go to vote at an early time.
Armed with music on my headphones, sunglasses, I was already done with voting at around 9 in the morning. It promised to be a beautiful day:

I took some time to watch some interviews of the Life Book Summit and started to check out one of the courses I had bought from Effy Wild.
This prompted me to start doing something creative myself!

Everything under the supervision of Bo the cat! (Cause it all needs to be cat-approved and tested!)

And here is another shot of work in progress:

I used book-pages from a book called: The power of positive thinking. Talk about good intentions!

It was fun using some creative muscles again. And I want to do that more often!

See you tomorrow!

Day 19:

Didn’t get a lot of sleep… Body wasn’t feeling too well. But I tried the best I could.

I went outside to see the doctor, but had to reschedule the physical therapist.

Took a moment to just sit and be. School was just out, there was a lot of noise. But I managed to sit on a bench for 10 minutes, took a picture and then went back to the calmness of my home.

Not a lot has been done, but I got through the day, no panic moments, just letting be what is.

Talk tomorrow…

Day 18 part 2: Cat antics, feeling better…

This cute face! He makes everything so much better! Nightmare has been forgotten by his antics. Below he is showing off, knowing I’m taking a picture.

Today I also had the dentist. The laughing dentist. Every time I go and visit him, he starts laughing. Sometimes I can’t help but laugh with him and my anxiety drops to a manageable number. No needles today, I did jump up on the chair when he got out his drill with water. The feeling of water in my nose was very unexpected! But all went well! I went out his office laughing.

Other than that, a call with my parents, food that needs to be warmed up and eaten, some relaxation time… All is good this afternoon.

Tomorrow physical therapist and doctor appointment. Maybe, if the weather cooperates, I can sit on a bench in-between appointments. One ends at 12.45 and the other begins at 3pm. We shall see.

See you tomorrow!

Day 18 part 1: Nightmare (can trigger)

This blogpost is not suited for people who can get triggered.


Just woke up from a nightmare…
I was on a trip without medication (no antidepressants), and after a few days I started to feel really bad. The people around me didn’t have my best interest at heart. It made me feel paranoid.
I tried to call my parents, but as always happens in a dream-world: technology works different there. If you press a 0 suddenly a 4 appears. Really frustrating!
Who the people where, I don’t really know, but they managed to get me in contact with an older man. Since I didn’t trust them, I didn’t trust that man either. But I couldn’t put my finger on it, what exactly was wrong with the picture. (In meanwhile all the emotions of anger and sadness had fully emerged, and it was really heard to think straight.)
Until the older man, wanted 2 pictures I had. He had tried to steal them.
I exploded… Because then I suddenly realized those people had brought my biological father to see me.
I screamed at him that he had no right to anything that belonged to me.
And then of course I woke up… With all the feely feels still raging through my body.
So so tired, but afraid of going back to sleep. The sadness is still there, I can feel it, but it has clawed itself deep into my stomach and belly.
Breathe in, breathe out… It’s just a dream… Dreams can’t hurt me…
I’ll talk to you later…

Day 17: Warm, sketchy and socializing

Those three words kind of sum up the day really. I went to the creative center, did sketching, socializing and enjoyed the warm fall sun.

I know it’s good that I went outside and socialized with people, but suddenly out of nowhere, when I am home, I feel completely depleted. Around 7 I already had problems staying awake. (But 7 is a bit too early for bed-time.)

It’s 9 pm here and I’m feeling very tired, so I’ll just leave you with some scenery pictures.

And I also found this:

I hope you managed to enjoy some sunlight too!

See you tomorrow…

Day 16: Sluggish day number two and simple art

As the title says: another day to drag my body through, because there was hardly any energy. But! I did do quite a lot of household, and I even managed a simple piece of art.
I found my old journal where I did expressive art in 2013 and 2014. At a certain point I had used too much water, and some of the pages came loose. At that time I felt like it was a disaster. My beautiful art journal ruined. So I closed it up, and put it far away.
Today, I was reminded of a certain piece of art I did, where I expressed how someone made me feel. I took another look at all the pages and realized that it was a shame not to use the book any further. So much potential left inside those pages.

Since I talked about simple art a few days ago, I decided to make a background of very cheap chalk pastels, (on top of a layer of gesso) move it around with fingers and a piece of kitchen towel, I outlined the words on the pages and then filled them in with permanent marker.
(The words were something that were calling to me, and I just had to use them.)

So yes, it is something arty. Not very difficult, but I did express myself and used some creative muscles today.

Those kind of things are calling to me. I might have added some doodles… And maybe I still will on a later date, when I want to be reminded of those words again. But for now this is good enough.

Hope you all had a good (arty) day!

See you tomorrow!

Day 15: Sluggish day…

Sometimes there are days where your body feels sluggish and you have to drag yourself through the day.

It got better after I took my B12 though. (Probably had a shortage, since I have to take it every day and I didn’t take it yesterday.)

Today seemed like an extension of the weekend. Most likely because there weren’t any appointments I had to go to, so no going outside…
Which is ok, I guess, I’ve got Wednesday, Thursday and Friday that have appointments to attend to. (Well technically the creative center on Wednesday isn’t an appointment, but it is an appointment with myself! An art-date.)

There are things going around in my head, that I can’t divulge on this blog. But my mind is sorting through things. The important part is, to stay true to myself. I can empathize with other people, as long as it doesn’t drag me down with someone else.
I know it sounds a little cryptic, but it will have to do for now.

Let’s hope for a better tomorrow!

Day 13 and 14: Weekend!

This weekend was another one of those calm ones. I tried to listen to my body as best as I could. It didn’t always work out. (Stayed up too late…) But the household chores that needed to be done, got done, so that is good.

I’ve also managed to listen to a few interviews and art activities of the Life Book summit.
Took a few notes, have some ideas milling around in my head, but nothing has come to fruition yet.
Simple art, is what I’m thinking about. Just something to get my fingers wet so to speak. Nothing too elaborate. No tens of thousands of layers. Something simple. Some watercolor, a sketch or a drawing or doodle, some words.
That kind of art is speaking to me right now. (But I haven’t done it yet of course.)

For now, I’m going to take some notes on the summit, do my household work, go to my appointments, go to the creative center. Still doing the back to basics.

About the angry rant I had a few days ago: I now just realized where it came from: I had watched the news, and someone was calling a woman out that had accused someone with a high position of sexual assault. And the way that person was talking, it just got to me. The whole news program got to me. All the negativity in the world… I think I got overwhelmed by it.
I had made a promise to myself not to watch the news anymore, but at some point, the news had started on the tv and it was like a train wreck: horrible to see, but you can’t look away.
This means: no more news for me. (I knew that already, but apparently I had to be reminded of it.)

My father told me the weather is going to warm up a bit next week, during the day at least. I’m looking forward to some sun, and maybe take some pictures of the garden while I’m at the creative center. And take some time, to just sit by the big tree, grounding. (That’s actually a very nice idea, do it Mieke!)

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and I will talk to you tomorrow

Day 12: Calm day

It’s past my bedtime and I haven’t written anything, because my mind is somewhere else it seems.

After yesterday’s emotional whirlwind, I needed a day without all the feely feels.
I focused on my household, watched a few interviews from Tamara Laporte’s free Life Book Summit, took a few notes, called my parents and so on.

Just an easier day than yesterday. And those days are allowed too, right?

So I have nothing earthshattering to announce today. But that’s ok. A calmer relaxing day is very much appreciated.

I hope you had a calm day too.

See you tomorrow!

Day 11 part 2: Calm after the storm…

Sometimes I have these moments where a burst of feeling gets through and takes me on a little journey. That is what happened this afternoon.
I wonder if I should apologize for being angry… Or maybe it’s just good that something finally got out. That at least this little part didn’t fester in me and caused more problems. I don’t really know.
But it happened, and now I’m back to being my ‘calm’ self. (Yes ok, I still stress, and sometimes about the smallest detail, but the anger bordering on sadness has died down.) Hm, maybe I became angry because I have troubles with sadness. (Lifts up one eyebrow, and then the other.)

Anyway, the physical therapist was good and a bit painful. And laying under a warmth lamp did soothe my muscles.

To be honest, I feel a bit weird now, after being so angry. Like a strange calmness.
-Deep sigh-

Let’s hope tomorrow is a little less feel-y

Day 11 part 1: Angry rant

Angry… I’m feeling very angry… I’m not quite sure what brought it on, but I was making myself ready in the bathroom and it was like I had several thoughts following each other rapidly, and I got really really angry.

-WARNING: Curse words and trigger alert.-

I don’t fucking choose to feel this way.
I can’t just fucking get over it. I was sexually abused as a child between 3 and 5 years old by my biological father. It is not something you just fucking erase.
I don’t ask to get weird dreams and nightmares that make me exhausted before the day even begins.
I would really want to go outside more, be like other people, have a job, have a life… Cause apparently at this moment I don’t seem to be having any!!

I didn’t ask to be sexually harassed by 2 other bastards either. One was when I was 6 or 7 years old, he kept bribing me with money and candy, building up to the ‘scene in the bedroom’.
The other was a boyfriend I had when I was 17. After 3 months of seeing each other, the least I could do was give him sex and he didn’t listen to my several ‘no’s until I threatened to run out of the car and scream bloody murder.

I want to do so many things with my life!! I want to be more creative, I want to express those bottled up emotions, purge them, fucking get rid of them.

I tried to forget everything that has happened over the years, and went into survivor mode, became a shell of myself. Yes I worked, yes I had relationships (mostly bad ones), was afraid to be alone with my own thoughts and feelings. I ran from one disaster into another.
I was afraid of being me.

I’m not gonna be pushed into being someone I’m not anymore. Been there, done that, and I pushed myself even deeper into misery.

Need to go for now… got an appointment with my physical therapist. Hopefully I’m calmed down after I return… Got this pinchy feeling in my shoulders and everything just hurts.

Sorry for the rant.

-End of part 1-

Day 10: Another dream and creative time..

Another one of those weird dreams last night: I was on vacation (like that would happen, with all my anxieties) and while I was eating, everything got stolen from me. Every single thing except the clothes I was wearing. No phone, no handbag, no money, no suitcases. Everything was just gone. I was in a strange country where I could hardly speak their language, the people that were with me, weren’t really friends and I couldn’t count on them. I was stuck. No roof above my head, no money for drinks or food…
With that horrible feeling I woke up, feeling disoriented and tired. But I am so grateful to have a roof above my head, food in the fridge, tea in my mug.

There was a period when I had to struggle to get all those things. I was around 19 years old and I never knew if I could pay the rent, pay bills or get food on the table. It wasn’t really a glorious time, but I did get through it.
To be reminded of that time, and realizing that I do have the basic needs, is comforting. (Although I do wish the tiredness would go away. Dreams like these seem to suck up my energy in some way.)

Fast forward a few hours later:

Above I inserted a picture of the garden that is connected to the creative center I normally go to every Wednesday. Yes, I say normally, because the last time I went has been a while. But today, I made it!!!
Today we worked with charcoal, first time, I’ve worked with it! I noticed I liked it, except for the fact that I couldn’t erase faulty lines…
I can’t show pictures of the 3 sketches I did, since people posed, and I would like to protect their privacy.

But I can share another picture!

These pictures are also a reminder, that even though I am tired and ‘not feeling it’, I did do it.

Now I am completely spent. But glad I had some creative time today, and also did some socializing.

I hope you had a good day!

See you tomorrow!

Day 9: A good day…

Since yesterday Tamara Laporte has started her first FREE Life Book Creativity and Wellbeing Summit.

Thing is, it has been quite a while since I’ve done something creative and I wasn’t sure where to begin.

So, I had the idea to just grab one of my self made watercolor journals (with Coptic stitch) and decorate the covers. Ok, it isn’t the most creative act ever, but it does make the book pretty!
I just used a pad of scrapbook paper, cut up a piece and glued it on. Very simple. But it is a start!

Other than a small creative tickle, I also did some decluttering, laundry, etc. And I laughed so hard the tears started running down my face!

So I’m definitely counting this as a good day!

I’ll leave it at that and continue tomorrow with… I have no clue yet We will see!

See you tomorrow!

Day 8: Finding logic in dreams…

Waking up this morning, I suddenly didn’t realize where I was or when I was.

I’ll clarify: I’ve been having these dreams about moving and living at two places that are quite far apart. This has been going on for a long time, months on end. (or over a year or more now)

In this dream, someone offered to move me for good. So I didn’t have to do all the distances, no more forgetting things and such.

It was a very kind offer and I was grateful. Until I realized that this meant I had to choose where to live. And the panic fell over me, because I didn’t have a clue.

This panic made me wake up all disoriented. A very awkward feeling at your own safe home.

Thing also is: none of the places where I supposedly live in my dream are the apartment where I live now for about seven years.

I know it has to do something with being here in the now and processing the past or maybe it is living where I live now, without family, versus living closer to my family but without my support system.

Trying to find logic in dreams is quite a challenge.

One moment it seems like option A and then suddenly you think it might relate to option B or even G. (If you know what I mean.)

I went to the doctor today, weekly appointment, to check on how I am doing. There was quite a strong chilly wind, a sure sign that fall has started.

The conversation we had was full of things to think about, I even made a draft with points and I might have even forgotten some. (Didn’t write it down in the office.)

The course stays the same for now: the basics and integrating the creative center again, where I used to go to every Wednesday. I’m signed up for the portion of perspective drawing, where someone poses in a chair and we draw what we see. (Which I’ve done once myself, the chair posing, and it is very weird to see people looking at you, at their page, looking back at you… I almost laughed: it seemed like they were chickens pecking their food. Up and down, up and down.)

Lots of other things to write about! But this is it for today. Another peek into my life. (And mud-sorting)

See you tomorrow!